Marriage With Mayhem

"Mate, you're getting married," fist bump. Thirty minutes until I have a ring on that finger and the beautiful Sofia becomes mine. Ben and Harry head down to the altar in front of me. I stand at the altar waiting for my beautiful bride to walk down. Our families start to arrive and take their seats. I can't wait to see her. My mum comes out and straightens my tie. I slap her hands away just as the photographer takes a photo. I turn to Ben and Harry next to me, and they give their biggest thumbs up ever. The music starts, and all the chairs move as the guests stand up to look at Sofia. I take a breath and turn to see Sofia wearing a white ballgown with silver heels and a pink bouquet. Lisa and Polly are holding her train behind her. She passes her bouquet to Lisa standing in front of me. The music stops, and Lisa, Ben, Polly, and Harry all go sit down. I stare into the eyes of the girl of my dreams as the officiant is blabbering on about how we will love each other. Now it's my turn.

 "I, Edward Daniel Knight, choose you, Sofia Anne Loveton, to be my wife till death do us part. To care for you in sickness and in health, I do."

"Now you, Sofia."

"I Sofia Anne Loveton do not choose you, Edward Daniel Knight, to be my husband"

"Wait what"

I blink at her in shock. The love of my life does not love me. But that's not possible; she is my world, my oxygen. She takes my hand and mouths the words, "I'm sorry." She lets my hand float in the air as she runs up the aisle and out the door. I stand and stare after her, waiting for her to come back. Lisa comes over, gives me the ring, and runs after her. I watch as everyone is talking, whispering about what just happened.

I notice pieces of paper where the diamond should be. I open it up. "I won't love you till death," the note reads. I hand it to my mum, who is trying to quiet the chaos.

"At least she showed up, mate." Ben and Harry are trying to comfort me, but all it's doing is making it worse. It would have been better if she hadn't. I go over and apologize to the officiants and the photographer, who is still taking photos of my worst angles. I turn and see a bit of white poof behind the columns at the back.

"Can I do my vows again?" The officiant nods in confusion.

"Edward Daniel Knight, I choose you, Sofia Anne Loveton, to be my wife in the afterlife and for the rest of our lives. I promise to love you forever and take care of you. I do," I yell, and I see everyone watching me, thinking that I am so heartbroken, begging for mercy, that I am seeing her. Maybe I am, but it is worth a try.

"I, Sofia Anne Loveton, choose you, Edward Daniel Knight, to be my husband till after death. I will care for you in sickness and in health. I do," Sofia walks down the aisle as Lisa and Polly hold a banner reading "Last prank as an unmarried couple." I kiss her and place the ring on her finger.

"Don't put the fake one on," she whispers in my ear. I turn to Ben, who passes me the real ring, and I place it on her hand with a kiss. We walk down the aisle together and run to the kitchen to find our college friends' orders and place a plastic rat under the food dome. We pre-warn the servers and head out for the awkward photos. We grab some photo booth accessories, hide them behind our backs, and head to the front.

"3, 2, 1, cheese." When everyone repeats "cheese," I place a mustache in front of Sofia's face as she holds a pair of glasses over mine.

"And again, without the props, please." We roll our eyes and hand the props to our groomsmen and bridesmaids.

"3, 2, 1, cheese." They all repeat "cheese." Polly and Ben hold comic signs above mine and Sofia's heads while Lisa and Harry hold the mustache and glasses over Polly and Ben.

"That's it, give me the props."

"It's our wedding."

"I am getting one normal photo, sorry for the holdup, everyone."

Sofia nods at me. I look at her confused; she nods at Polly and Lisa. "3, 2, 1, cheese." Polly and Lisa rip Sofia's white dress off to show a short neon dress.

"3, 2, 1, cheese, and now the guests."

The photographer hands us our props back,but we don't use them, I feel Sofia shake from the cold I hand her my suit jacket as the guests huddle around us.

We head inside for the food. We had agreed on no speeches and just to start the meal, we watch as one by one our college friends are greeted by a plastic rat on the side of their plate. By the end of the night, we had cut the cake and let everything else go prank-free because we wanted to have some professional photos of our wedding. Until Ben and Lisa pull us aside.

"Your hotel room has a leak in the bath."

"You mean the vegetable, are you really trying to prank the king and queen of pranks?"

"No, your room is full of water."

"You mean bottled water; you need to try harder than that to prank us." We head to our honeymoon suite and open the door; I head to the bathroom and water splashes my ankles.

"Babe, there really is a leak in the bath." We watch as the water floods the bathroom as the leak vegetable bobs up and down on the water.